Twelve-year-olds Peter, James, and John lived in a small town in western Pennsylvania. Having grown up together in the same church, they had a tight knit friendship. While they enjoyed swimming, exploring the woods, and climbing trees, it was riding their bikes together that they loved most. Their story begins in early summer a few years ago. They were kings of the road, happily cruising over the asphalted streets and cracked sidewalks, feeling the wind in their faces and enjoying the friendly competition as they raced along. They had been taught how to navigate vehicle traffic wisely, but since it was a small town, cars were an infrequent annoyance.
Then tragedy struck. On a humid, June morning, they were racing down a small neighborhood street. Peter had fallen a little behind and he took the turn too fast. His back tire hit a loose rock, causing him to skid out of control and smash into a tree. He broke three ribs, his left arm, and his left ankle. The other two boys, unaware of what happened, continued racing toward a four-way stop. James put on his brakes to check for traffic; John, flushed with competition, went riding straight through, heedless of the car coming from his left. The car did not stop at the intersection either. It struck John and crashed him to the road, breaking ribs, an arm, and a leg. The driver of the car panicked and quickly sped away. As he did, he struck James, who was in shock after witnessing the entire event. The collision threw him to the ground, breaking his ribs, fracturing his elbow and wrist, and severely spraining his ankle. The driver was never caught.
The trauma that Peter, James, and John endured greatly affected each one. Instead of biking, swimming, and playing, they spent the rest of their summer in surgeries, physical therapy, and rehabilitation. In addition to the physical injuries, each of the friends were confronted with difficult questions. Why did this happen to me? Why would a good God allow this to occur? Is God good? Why did that driver get away? Their parents, their pastor and elders, and their church community wept and prayed, fully aware of how much the ordeal weighed upon these three boys, both in body and in soul. How they responded to this season of suffering would shape the rest of their lives. It was a Thursday afternoon in mid-August when their pastor came by for one of his regular visits.
Peter, whose tire exploded, had been having a very difficult time in physical therapy. While the arm fracture was painful, it was not terribly serious. The ankle was another thing altogether. A tough lad, he committed himself to the regimen imposed upon him. Slowly, painfully, he regained strength and dexterity in his ankle, but something else nagged at him.
After several minutes of talking with his pastor, Peter asked, “Pastor, why did God allow my bike tire to hit that rock? I mean, if I was one inch to the left or right, none of this would have happened. Is God angry with me? Did I do something wrong to deserve this?”
The minister thought for a few moments and responded, “Peter, is there anything on your mind? Why would you think God is angry with you?”
With tears in his eyes, the boy answered, “No, I am not thinking of anything. I just want to know why this happened.” At this, the pastor pointed to a bird feeder outside the window and replied, “Jesus taught us that not one of these small, insignificant birds can fall from the sky apart from His Father’s will. Now I have two questions for you. First, do you believe that? And second, do you think that you are more important to God than that gold finch?”
With an understanding nod, the boy replied, “I do believe that. Mom has taught me that story a lot. And sure, I know I am more important than a bird.”
With a sense of relief that only pastors really understand, the minister continued, “Good. That’s really good. What would you say if I told you that the Lord put that rock there on purpose? What would you think if I said that God knew exactly what He was doing when your wheel was right where it was, and not an inch to either side?”
His face furrowed in confusion, Peter struggled with the question. Did God do this? Would God do something like this. As he thought about the questions from his pastor, his mind returned to the stories he had heard around his table in family worship. Job had done nothing overtly sinful against the Lord. In fact, the Lord brought some very hard things on Job precisely because he was a godly man. With this in mind, he half asked, half stated, “So God sometimes sends things…no, does things…that are hard? Even things that seem random to us?”
The pastor nodded sympathetically, mindful of the depths of the waters they were entering. “There is nothing random with the Lord, Peter. The Proverbs teach us that not even casting lots—to us something like rolling dice—falls outside of the Lord’s plan (Prov. 16:33). Some may respond to this with anger or doubt, but let me ask you, which is better: that we live in a world in which God is not in total control; or that when we suffer, we know that it comes to us from His fatherly hand? If it is the first one, that is terrifying. If it is the second, we have every reason to trust Him.”
As the weight of truth settled into the boy’s heart, he concluded, “That makes sense. I had been feeling very sorry for myself, since I am missing out on the hiking trip we had planned and am stuck with all this pain. But, I guess, if God is the one who put that rock there, and since He is good, and since I am more important than a bird, then I need to trust God and learn from Him whatever lesson He has for me.”
Smiling, the pastor placed his hand gently on the boy’s good shoulder, “You are beginning to learn and believe something that a lot of grown-ups never do. Keep those things in your heart, Peter. Remember, Jesus suffered more than any of us, and that was part of the work His Father gave Him to do. In our sufferings—which are never random—we are called to trust Him. He is working to make us more like Him. I promise, He will bless this, as hard as it is, and teach you to rest in Him with a maturity you did not used to have.” He read Hebrews 12:5-15, prayed, and left with a heavy but happy heart.
Since all three boys lived close to one another, the pastor left his car parked on the street and began walking to John’s home. He prayed earnestly because he knew a different situation awaited him there. John, who had sped through the intersection and was struck by the car, was struggling. The fracture in his leg plagued him with pain, but so did the condition of his soul. Both he and his parents knew what had happened, but they directed all the anger and blame at the driver, and at James (the boy who had stopped). The pastor sighed as he walked, pleading with God for wisdom. He knew the driver was at fault—at serious fault—but he also knew there was more to the story. Just how to get there and minister effectively seemed to elude him.
The boy’s tearful mom met him at the door: it had been a difficult day. At physical therapy that morning, John refused to push through the exercises that would strengthen his leg. He had lost motivation, and no one seemed able to help. The pastor found him lying on the couch in the living room, a blank stare on his face. “Hi, John,” the pastor greeted him lovingly, “how are things today?”
“I don’t know,” came the reply. A painful silence filled the room.
“I hear your arm has healed up well, which is good news.”
“I guess,” John said disinterestedly.
The pastor struggled in these situations. It is hard to have one-sided conversations. Praying silently for an open door, he tried again, speaking gently, “John, is this a good time, or would you prefer me to come back another day?”
“I can’t believe that stupid driver got away,” mumbled John. “I hate him.”
“I can understand why you would be angry,” the pastor replied. “His running the stop sign was a great sin and a terrible crime. I am so sorry that happened.”
“It’s all his fault that I am like this,” muttered John bitterly. “Drivers like that should never have been allowed on the road. He has ruined my life, and I want everyone to know it. I want my story to be out there so that everyone can know how dangerous car drivers can be. Mom and dad are even suing the city for not having any of those signs up that tell people that children are playing.”
The pastor had not heard this most recent development. As much as he hated to see John in so much pain, both physical and spiritual, he was deeply concerned at the direction this was heading. The injuries were real and lasting, to be sure, but he could not help but think about the long-term spiritual consequences for John and his family if they continued down this road. Everyone knew the driver was terribly wrong, and his getting away with it made everything much more difficult. But everyone also knew that John ran that stop sign. John was a victim, to be sure, but not an innocent one. It was just so much easier to blame the driver for everything, and so difficult to address John’s contribution to the situation.
With a silent prayer for wisdom sent heavenward, the pastor took a shallow breath and addressed his young congregant as his mother came and sat down with them, “John, you are going through an extremely difficult time. We all deeply desire your healing from these injuries that hurt very badly. What that driver did was wrong, and you are suffering from it.” The pastor paused, glancing up at the mother, “but there is an injury here that physical therapy won’t address, John. It is not going to help you in the long run just to blame the driver. I know this will be difficult to hear, but didn’t you—”
“—That’s enough, Pastor,” interrupted the mom. “I will not allow you to victim blame in my house. John’s been hurt so badly, and this is his story. That driver hit him, and that driver, and the city needs to pay. He wouldn’t have been there if James hadn’t asked them to race too. And if you are going to add spiritual abuse to my son…well, it’s time you left.”
Discouraged, the pastor offered to pray and then left. “Spiritual abuse?” he thought. “Since when is trying to address sin in the heart spiritual abuse? I know that John is not entirely to blame, but enabling him to lie to himself and others that he is innocent…this is going to destroy his soul, not to mention everyone around him.” The pastor prayed as he walked down the sidewalk to James’ house, that sick feeling in his stomach growing as he reflected on the weakness of John’s parents. John’s father was not leading his home well. He was unwilling to help his wife and son see what was true in this situation. [Narrator’s note: John’s family ended up losing the civil suit against the city because a doorbell camera caught footage of everything that happened. Frustrated at their inability to obtain “justice” for John, they went public on some local news shows and a podcast called Sons of Anarchy to tell his story.]
Wearily the pastor ascended the steps to James’ house, uncertain of the situation he would find there. He paused before ringing the doorbell, praying that the Lord would provide all grace for him to listen well and encourage James and his family. Things had been very difficult for them. Of the three boys, James was actually healing the fastest. Since he was hit by the driver at a slower speed, the injuries were not as severe as the other two boys. However, James was struggling with the trauma of having seen John get hit, of being hit himself, and the compounding aspect that he kept blaming himself for the accident. A gregarious and quick-thinking boy, James was the ringleader of this trio—the race had been his idea. John’s parents knew that, and in addition to everyone else they blamed, they especially laid the fault before James for their son’s injuries. Their relationship was in tatters.
The pastor was greeted by James’ father, who was off from work that day. James hobbled over and greeted his pastor with a smile and a weak handshake since his right elbow was still healing. James expressed some encouragement at his progress—it was the first time he had been able to shake anyone’s hand in a while—and they sat in the living room to talk. The doctor had informed them that day that things were looking quite good. The ankle still bothered him, but everyone knows that ankle sprains can sometimes take longer to heal than a fracture. Being an articulate young man, James moved past the physical update and began to describe his other struggles.
“Pastor, I’m not sure I will ever ride a bike again. I mean, I can if I want, but I’m not really sure I want to. I keep having dreams about what happened. I close my eyes and all I see is that dark blue SUV…and John…” he trailed off. Tears filled his eyes. “That’s actually what makes this so hard. John’s parents keep blaming me. I know I was the one who wanted to race, but we have raced a ton of times. John knew he should have stopped at the stop sign, but he didn’t. And now, instead of at least saying that, he is blaming everyone else, including me. And honestly, pastor, if he hadn’t of run that stop sign, the car wouldn’t have hit him, and then it wouldn’t have hit me either. What am I supposed to do with this?”
James’ dad, who was sitting there next to his son, put his arm around his shoulder and said gently, “James, son, this is a struggle. I know. But son, you didn’t do anything wrong here. You know from what your mom and I have taught you all your life, and from what our pastor preaches to us week by week, this is a trial sent from our Father. You are suffering from other people’s wrongs, but you also need to remember that you are going to be tempted to feel sorry for yourself. That will not help you. Remember what we talked about last night? The Lord Jesus was innocent, was perfectly righteous. He suffered more than you and I can ever imagine, and remember what God’s Word tells us? ‘When He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.’ You have finished memorizing that, right? Your mom and I have encouraged you to this week.”
“Yes, I memorized it.” James stared at the ceiling, a far-away look in his eyes. “It’s just that…that…I don’t want to say it, but John’s not telling the truth and it makes it so much harder for me!” He was a bit embarrassed at the tears, so he quickly wiped them away. John’s dad and the pastor looked on with the painful joy of seeing the fruit of spiritual struggle.
The pastor leaned forward and said, “James, an author named Thomas Watson once wrote, ‘Those who dive in the sea of affliction find rare jewels.’ It is so easy for us to think that we should not suffer, and none of us really want to. But when we suffer, physically or spiritually, we can trust our heavenly Father to use it to mature us and to prepare us for the full joy of heaven. It doesn’t take away the pain we have right now, and it doesn’t erase the wrongs done, but believing this does enable us to endure wrong in a way that pleases God…even wrong at the hands of others. That’s really what the Lord would have us seek after. Remember Jesus’ prayer in the Garden before He died? ‘Not my will, but Thy will be done.’”
“I’m only twelve, though!” replied James. “Why do I have do go through this? Kids are supposed to have fun.”
The pastor looked at James knowingly, “James, in one sense I wish you didn’t have to go through this. But Proverbs 3:11-12 is so helpful here, “My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.”
“So does that mean that John’s parents don’t delight in him? They aren’t correcting him at all, and it has pretty much ended our friendship.”
James’ words lingered in the air. After some thought, his dad said, “James, again, you are right that they are not correcting him, but we are responsible first for how we respond to these trials. They will have to give an account for how they respond. We need to make it our goal to please the Lord, and we pray for better things.”
The pastor prayed and left. As he began the uphill walk back to his car, he prayed some more. How he needed wisdom. There are so many different kinds of victims and sufferers in this life. Peter, who he might call the “providential sufferer.” He hadn’t done anything wrong, and nothing wrong was done to him. He needed to submit humbly to the Lord’s providence and seek to press onward in faith. James, the “innocent sufferer,” hadn’t done anything wrong, but suffered much because of what others had done. He needed to be encouraged and strengthened to avoid self-pity, bitterness, and wallowing in a false sense of guilt. John, the most difficult in the pastor’s mind, was the “guilty sufferer.” He did suffer at the hands of others, but not like James. John had sinned, but he was so busy blaming everyone else, and being enabled by those around him, that he was unwilling to deal with his own heart. Tragically, he was hurting himself and so many others in the process. Then there was the driver. God alone would deal with him. That brought the pastor’s mind to the Shorter Catechism. He thought of the reason annexed to the third commandment: “…however the breakers of this commandment may escape punishment from men, yet the Lord our God will not suffer them to escape His righteous judgment.” He concluded that this was true of the other commandments as well. Give place to wrath, for vengeance belongs to the Lord, he thought. With a heavy heart, he entered his car and began to drive home. His thoughts swirled, “Dealing with suffering is so hard. How we need wisdom! How we need to be guided by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. If we depart from this, we will make shipwreck. But if we are trained by it, it will yield that peaceful fruit of righteousness. Lord, have mercy.”